A Night with Thousands of Questions

After 45 minutes, I arrived at my home near Nanhu Lake. At home, I finished reading the World Health Organization report on travel tips. But this report did not answer my questions. Is it dangerous to travel? Should I stay or leave Wuhan? I hoped to find the answer in this report, but the report just says, “There is no recommendation to restrict travel.” This means while the WHO emphasizes preventive measures during travel, it also keeps options open. I told myself that perhaps due to the rapid spread of the virus, this report was released before the situation worsened. So, I continued to search for more information.

Until 7 o'clock in the evening, I still had not received any official English information about the lockdown of Wuhan. Therefore, I had no reason to change my plan to stay in this house for the next two days (i.e.,January 23 and 24). After that, I planned to return to school to complete my research project.

After getting out of the taxi, I remained alert to everything around me, especially everything that I came into contact with. I carefully stayed away from everything that may be infected with the virus. I went to the bathroom immediately after entering the house, put all the clothes in the washing machine, and then prepared to take a shower. Suddenly, I stopped,should I just start taking a shower or should I wash my hands first?

If my hands are infected by the virus, I will not be able to touch my face! But what about my hair? If it is also contaminated, water will flow into my mouth! Only then did I realize: I was scared! I suppressed my own fear, tried to comfort myself and said, “What is there to be afraid of!Living a normal life is the right thing to do! Wash hands, take a bath, do what I normally do!” This is my first challenge to overcome panic.

At nine o'clock in the evening, I am at home alone. My Chinese friend Mei, her family and other friends originally planned to visit the next night. I picked up the phone to contact her, and found that a quarter of an hour ago, I had received an e-mail from the university with the subject of “Information related to the current epidemic”. Through this email, I learned for the first time from official sources that Wuhan will close city access at 10 am the next day (January 23, 2020).

Soon, I came back to the core question: should I go to the train station?In the mean time I received an email from Leila, so I called her back. She said, “Wuhan will be in lockdown from tomorrow morning. I know you are stubborn and rigid, and don't listen to others. But this time you have to listen to me, and please leave Wuhan now. If you stay, you won't be able to go out for months. It is said that the lockdown of Wuhan will last for a long time.” I hung up the phone, dumbfounded, wondering if I can still go out. I must decide quickly. But where do I go? Will I be safe away from home?

I don't know what to do next, holding the phone in both hands, but staring at the unknown. I think of a poem by the Egyptian poet Ahmed Fouad Negm, in which he asked “Why is there fear? Fear comes from the unknown”. The unknown is the lack of clarity about the outside world.At this time, my feeling was no longer fear, but hesitation. Because fear makes people reckless rather than hesitating. I hesitated because I can't see the reality. I have very little knowledge of the epidemic and can't make a decision due to being ignorant.

What's worse, my sister Hanan sent a message from Lebanon, “Adham,please tell me about the coronavirus pneumonia.”

I said to myself, “Oh gosh, this means that the news not only reached Lebanon, but also reached my home! What shall I tell them? How can I give them an answer that will reassure them?”

I'm at the center of the storm, but I don't know anything about what happened. What can they do? They may think that their children, like in a movie about the spread of an epidemic, live in hell!

I told my sister that the situation was getting worse and worse. Today,a formal decision was issued not to allow anyone to enter or leave Wuhan.Perhaps the government would only prohibit people from leaving Wuhan for two days at most. However, until this moment, there was no clear information. I asked her not to tell mother.

I wanted to reserve all possibilities, including choosing to stay in Wuhan. For others, this is a difficult choice. And for my family? I know that they will respect my decision no matter what. However, if I stay, I must find means to alleviate their anxiety. My sister asked me suspiciously, “You are all well, are you?” I tried not to answer this question directly,because irrespective the future, at this moment of the conversation, I may have been infected with the virus, but the symptoms not yet appeared.

My sister suggested to me, “Come back, we will pay for your journey,stay at home until the crisis is over, and then return to Wuhan. What do you think?” To be honest, I thought of this proposal, but this proposal made me feel more pressure. She tried again to divert her attention away from the “basic” question in response to what I learned from the message. From the beginning of the epidemic to the present, this virus has existed for about a month. At first, the virus was restricted to certain communities, and the infected people had been quarantined. By then it had appeared that the virus had spread to places outside the quarantine locations.

I couldn't answer the question raised by my sister because I had been busy at the university for the past three weeks. Although I had been wearing a mask like the library staff and the other students, I had not paid attention to the news or inquired about other details outside of the university. Therefore, I cannot see the changes in daily life in the city.

My sister asked me, what exactly is this virus? I told her that this virus is similar to the virus that spread between 2002 and 2003 and is called the“new coronavirus”.

“So, how does it spread?” she then asked. I replied, “It usually comes from contact with animals, and the new mutation makes it more contagious and affects the human respiratory system.” Then I sent her an English video, this video was posted in the university dormitory WeChat group, the video introduces how the virus spreads, as well as information about infection routes, symptoms and prevention methods. However,the video did not mention the pathogen that was later called the “new coronavirus”. On the contrary, the video said it was similar to “MERS CoV” (Middle East Respiratory Syndrome Coronavirus), which appeared in the Middle East in 2012.

For sister Hanan, the only solution is to leave Wuhan to ensure my current and future safety and health. So she said, “Pack your things and go home. You can now have many choices, but you can't stay in Wuhan.”

At this moment, the thoughts of staying continue to echo in my heart. Why even though the possibility of leaving Wuhan still exists, I am actually preparing to stay?

I told her that I will see if there is a ticket to leave the city. The problem is that train stations and airports are crowded, and those gathering places are most vulnerable to the epidemic. Maybe I'd better stay in my place. This kind of explanation helps me to be more determined to stay, hopefully my family can also understand my determination.