My Father

It had been more than 20 days since my last conversation with my father. At that time, he sent me a voice message via WhatsApp, conveying a friend's opinion on an article I wrote which is critical of Lebanon's economic model.

I once told my sister Hanan that Wuhan was going to be in lockdown,and told her not to tell our parents, lest they worry. But I know she won't last long. Sure enough, it was not long before my eldest sister Beisan called me, followed by my sister Nura. Then, almost all of my brothers, sisters,relatives and friends contacted me.

I called Hanan again and she said that father kept asking her, so she had to tell him about my situation. In order not to worry father, Hanan told him that the so-called new virus was “just the flu, don't worry”.

I asked her again, “Do you think they are still anxious now?” She said,it is not important, they “don't know the situation”, “they are calculating the price of your flight back to Lebanon”. I said decisively, “Even if we have a million dollars, it won't help. The city has been completely closed,and no one can enter or leave.” Hanan said, let her tell the family and she hopes they can calm down. I said yes, the city has been closed anyway. She asked me if there was any other way, and I said there would always be a way, and then hung up the phone.

I thought they would know sooner or later and accept the situation.When the media began to report excessively, Wuhan had been already closed. The media always tries its best to exaggerate news reports and deliberately create suspense to attract audience without taking responsibility.

As for me, it would take some time to better understand the situation and future prospects. I had begun to sort out information, including our knowledge of this virus so far, so as to further understand the epidemic. I intended to study this matter in a more systematic way.

My father called me a few times, but I had been busy and did not receive his call. Subsequently, he left a voice message to me, telling me that my sister had told him about the situation in Wuhan. He asked me to face reality, and if there was any life-threatening situation, must make an appropriate decision. I spent a long time explaining, trying to get him out of panic. He finally said, “Okay. But your mother still doesn't know anything, and we are not going to tell her. Take care of yourself!”

My father is a very rational person, and cruelty in his life has exercised his will from an early age. My grandfather died when my father was nine years old, and many of his peers had similar experiences. He grew up in the 1960s, when Lebanon and the Arab region were undergoing tremendous political changes, including defeat in the Arab-Israeli War in 1967 and the emergence of various Palestinian revolutionary forces.

It was also the heyday of Lebanese left-wing development. My father chose to join the “Lebanese Revolutionary Socialist Organization”, a left wing political organization that does not believe in peaceful struggle, but in armed action. They actually planned many military operations before the Lebanon War (referring to the Lebanese Civil War in 1975—Editor's Note), the most famous of which was the “Bank of America Operation”.It was an incident of a battle of wits and courage with the bank mafia.Against the background of the new round of economic crisis in Lebanon,that action is still fresh in memory. He has devoted himself to armed struggle since he was a child, and gradually gave up his studies. After graduating from high school, he did not go to university. He has no good impression of political parties, and feels that engaging in peaceful political movements means admitting personal failure.

His organization uses the thoughts of Chinese leader Mao Zedong as a guide for action, and is generally regarded as a “Maoist” organization.He admires China's development experience, especially after reform and opening up, China has made tremendous economic achievements and greatly improved the people's living conditions. But “My ‘Soviet Group' ”did not “make the people stand up” as it said. The so-called “my ‘Soviet Group' ” refers to the Lebanese Communist Party to which I belong. The Communist Party of Lebanon followed the path of the former Soviet Union and was once a supporter of the former Soviet Union. He often compares the experience of the former Soviet Union and China and taunts me with this.

The “Lebanese Revolutionary Socialist Organization” has many enemies, including state institutions, right-wing organizations, and even other organizations that belong to the left. With the outbreak of the Lebanese Civil War in 1975, my father participated in the war like everyone else in his time. A few years later, their organization fell into an abyss in the flames of war.

When my mother gave birth to my sister Beisan in 1980, my father was serving one year in prison. He was arrested for a case while a leader of his political organization was killed. After leaving the prison, he, like many people who participated in this phase of the war, went to Saudi Arabia to look for job opportunities where he had settled for a long time. Since I can remember, in our childhood, we didn't meet him many times because he only returned to Lebanon once every six months.

His life experience and circumstances, as well as his negative attitude towards political parties, influenced me when I was young. I began to study communism idea. He believed that participating in a political party means losing personal future, especially in a society where the Communist Party is incompatible with the mainstream politics of the country, how can I be a real Communist? In addition, he believed that joining the Communist Party would cause me to take up arms and become unable to finish education.

In order to avoid conflicts with my family, I didn't used to disclose any information related to party life at home, just like doing underground work. One day, he went to see a friend who was also a member of the Lebanese Communist Party. He kept asking my father, “How about Comrade Adham?” When he got home, my father asked me, “Tell me,which party are you in? What is the name of the military group you are in?” Hearing these words from him, I was speechless and couldn't even look at him directly all day.

His attitude towards my political activities had not changed until I was admitted to the Lebanese University and got an undergraduate degree in the most difficult major. Since then he has changed his mind and felt relieved.

Once, one of his old comrades-in-arms came to our home as a guest,and we talked about a political issue that I can't remember now. The comrade-in-arms interrupted me and said, “Your method will lead you to a dead end...We tried it before you.” Father stopped him, and that was the first time he expressed his position on my political activities. He said to his comrade-in-arms, “Leave him alone, it is our experience, not theirs.” Then he turned around and said to me, “Your path is right, don't stop.”

Since then, we have established a relationship that respects each other's opinions, and this relationship has always been based on reasoning.Therefore, my decision to stay in China was no exception.