游思集 THE FUGITIVE

上篇

1

永恒的流变，你迷茫的游弋，在你无形的冲击下，静止的太空迸发出旋转的光亮之泡。

你的心难道迷醉于那越过无际寂寞的你的情人的呼唤？

难道仅仅因为你急迫而痛楚的行程，你蓬散的发丝在风暴中乱飘，从你断裂的项链落下的火珠，在你的路上滚动？

你快速的脚步，吻甜了这凡世的尘土，清扫了一切污秽；围绕着你翩舞的手足，风暴把神圣的死亡之雨洒在生命之上，使生命长得生机盎然。

如果你突然感到疲惫，驻足片刻，这世界就将隆隆地滚成一团，成为一种障碍，妨碍自己前进，甚至细小的尘粒也因难忍的压力而刺破无垠的天空。

你看不见的双足戴着光明之镯，它晃动的节奏活跃了我的思绪。

它的回响在我的心跳中，在我的血液中，激荡着古老海洋的赞歌。

我听见轰响的洪水漫过我的生命，从一个世界流向另一个世界，由一种形态变成另一种形态，把我的生存散布于馈赠的无尽的水浪中，散布于悲叹和歌声中。

浪涛高涨着，奔腾着，罡风呼啸着，啊，我的心，轻舟舞蹈着，像你的愿望。

把财物留在岸上，在无底的黑暗之上，向无限的光明，扬帆远航。

Darkly you sweep on, Eternal Fugitive, round those bodiless rush stagnant space frets into eddying bubbles of light.

Is your heart lost to the Lover calling you across his immeasurable loneliness?

Is the aching urgency of your haste the sole reason why your tangled tresses break into stormy riot and pearls of fire roll along your path as from a broken necklace?

Your fleeting steps kiss the dust of this world into sweetness, sweeping aside all waste; the storm centred with your dancing limbs shakes the sacred shower of death over life and freshens her growth.

Should you in sudden weariness stop for a moment, the world would rumble into a heap, an encumbrance, barring its own progress, and even the least speck of dust would pierce the sky throughout its infinity with an unbearable pressure.

My thoughts are quickened by this rhythm of unseen feet round which the anklets of light are shaken.

They echo in the pulse of my heart, and through my blood surges the psalm of the ancient sea.

I hear the thundering flood tumbling my life from world to world and form to form, scattering my being in an endless spray of gifts, in sorrowing and songs.

The tide runs high, the wind blows, the boat dances like thine own desire, my heart!

Leave the hoard on the shore and sail over the unfathomed dark towards limitless light.

2

暮色越来越浓稠，我问她：“我到了哪儿的陌生地方？”

她垂眉低眼，默默地走开的时候，陶罐口的水咕噜咕噜地响。

树枝垂贴着朦胧的河岸，绿野似乎隐入了往昔。

河水静寂，竹林凝然不动。小巷里传来一只手镯碰击水罐的叮当声。

别再划了，把木船系在树干上吧——因为我爱这田野的景色。

黄昏星落到了庙顶后面，灰白的大理石台阶在黝黑的河水中忽隐忽现。

旅途淹留的旅人在叹息；因为隐蔽的窗户里射出的灯光，被路边混杂的树枝和灌木撕碎，洒落在黑暗中。那只手镯还在叮当地碰击水罐，回家的双脚仍在踩小巷里的落叶，发出窸窸窣窣的声音。

夜深了，王宫的殿脊幽灵般的显现，城镇疲惫地呻吟着。

别再划了，把木船系在树干上吧。

让我在这陌生之地躺在朦胧的星光下，静下心来歇息，这里的黑暗在手镯碰击水罐发出的叮当声中喜颤。

It was growing dark when I asked her: "What strange land have I come to? "

She only lowered her eyes, and the water gurgled in the throat of her jar, as she walked away.

The trees hang vaguely over the bank, and the land appears as though it already belonged to the past.

The water is dumb, the bamboos are darkly still, a wristlet tinkles against the water-jar from down the lane.

Row no more, but fasten the boat to this tree, -for I love the look of this land.

The evening star goes down behind the temple dome, and the pallor of the marble landing haunts the dark water.

Belated wayfarers sigh; for light from hidden windows is splintered into the darkness by intervening wayside trees and bushes. Still that wristlet tinkles against the water-jar, and retreating steps rustle from down the lane littered with leaves.

The night deepens, the palace towers loom spectre-like, and the town hums wearily.

Row no more, but fasten the boat to a tree.

Let me seek rest in this strange land, dimly lying under the stars, where darkness tingles with the tinkle of a wristlet knocking against a water-jar.

3

哦，我想要保存的一个秘密，像夏云里未落下的雨滴，包在幽静之中，带在身边四处游逛。

哦，在烈日下，昏睡的树林底下，河水缓缓流动的地方，我盼望与人低声交谈。

这傍晚的沉默，仿佛在期待足音，你问我为什么落泪。

我不能回答你，我为何泪水涟涟，因为对我来说，这也是未破解的秘密。

O that I were stored with a secret, like unshed rain in summer clouds-a secret, folded up in silence, that I could wander away with.

O that I had some one to whisper to, where slow waters lap under trees that doze in the sun.

The hush this evening seems to expect a footfall, and you ask me for the cause of my tears.

I cannot give a reason why I weep, for that is a secret still withheld from me.

4

一双赤裸的纤足在地上挪动，好像是在解释一个比喻：“鲜花是夏天的足迹。”

这双纤足涉险的经历，轻轻地印在尘土上，又被吹拂的和风抹去。

你这双纤足啊，来吧，步入我的心，在我梦境的阡陌上，留下情歌的永不磨灭的印迹。

Two little bare feet flit over the ground, and seem to embody that metaphor, "Flowers are the footprints of summer."

They lightly impress on the dust the chronicle of their adventure, to be erased by a passing breeze.

Come, stray into my heart, you tender little feet, and leave the everlasting print of songs on my dreamland path.

5

小花哟，对于你，我就像夜阑。

我只能送你隐藏在黑暗中的安静和不眠的宁静。

清晨，你睁开眼睛时，我留给你一个蜜蜂嗡营、百鸟歌鸣的世界。

我给你最后的礼物，是落在你青春深处的一滴热泪；它使你的微笑更加甜蜜，并在白昼无情的娱乐之上，护卫你的玉容。

I am like the night to you, little flower.

I can only give you peace and a wakeful silence hidden in the dark.

When in the morning you open your eyes, I shall leave you to a world a-hum with bees, and songful with birds.

My last gift to you will be a tear dropped into the depth of your youth; it will make your smile all the sweeter, and bemist your outlook on the pitiless mirth of day.

6

我的心儿啊，别为她的芳心焦虑，让它待在黑暗中吧。

如果表现她美丽的只有她的丰姿和脸上的笑容，那又何妨？让我毫不怀疑地接受她眼神中质朴的含义，并为此感到幸福吧。

如果她双臂环绕着我，我不介意它是一张诱惑之网，因为这张网毕竟是华贵的，欺瞒终归可以一笑置之，丢在脑后。

我的心儿啊，别为她的芳心焦虑，如果乐曲是纯正的，纵然歌词不可信，也为此感到满意吧；欣赏它像涟漪上轻漾的睡莲翩舞般的优美，不管有什么藏在惑魂的水下面。

Be not concerned about her heart, my heart, leave it in the dark.

What if her beauty be of the figure and her smile merely of the face? Let me take without question the simple meaning of her glances and be happy.

I care not if it be a web of delusion that her arms wind about me, for the web itself is rich and rare, and the deceit can be smiled at and forgotten.

Be not concerned about her heart, my heart, be content if the music is true, though the words are not to be believed; enjoy the grace that dances like a lily on the rippling, deceiving surface, whatever may lie beneath.

7

优哩婆湿，你不是慈母，不是娇女，也不是燕尔新娘，你是迷醉天神的绝色美女！

当步履倦乏的黄昏降临，归来的黄牛挤满了牛厩时，你不剔亮屋里的灯光，也不芳心惴惴地走向洞房花榻，嘴角带着迟疑的微笑。你为这幽暗的时光如此神秘而无比喜悦。

优哩婆湿，你像黎明，不戴面纱，面无羞色。

谁能想象到，竟是疼痛着扩展的霞光创造了你！

第一个春天的第一天，你右手执生命的金觞，左手持鸩毒的玉盅，从翻腾的沧海冉冉升起。怪兽似的大海，犹如着魔的巨蟒归于平静，把它的万千头巾放在你的脚下。

你纯净的芳华从海沫上升起，洁白，坦荡，仿佛是素馨花。

优哩婆湿，哦，永恒的青春，难道你总是这样纤小，这样胆怯，这样含苞欲放？

难道你在深蓝的夜的摇篮里酣睡，宝石奇异的光芒照耀着珊瑚、贝壳和移动的梦影般的动物，直到白昼来展现你花儿般的丰姿？

世世代代所有的男子倾心于你，优哩婆湿，哦，你是无穷的奇迹！

在你明眸的凝视下，世界因青春的痛楚而悸动，苦行僧在你足下呈献苦修的功果，诗人吟唱的歌儿，在你的芳躯四周萦绕。你在无虑的欢乐气氛中款款行走，脚上系的金铃的叮当声，甚至触伤了空落的清风的心。

优哩婆湿，你在天神面前翩翩起舞时，把轨迹新奇的韵律抛向太空，为此大地颤抖，树叶、芳草和秋野摇曳起伏，大海应和着波涛的节奏翻腾，星星在空中坠落——那是你胸前的项链断裂散落的珍珠；凡夫俗子不禁心荡神驰，热血沸腾。

优哩婆湿，你在天国的酣眠之峰上第一个苏醒，使天宇惴惴的喜颤。世界以它的泪雨沐净你的芳躯；以它心中的热血染红你的纤足；你轻盈地伫立在水波推动的欲望之莲上；在你永世游戏的无数心灵中，飘忽着天帝的痴梦。

Neither mother nor daughter are you, nor bride, Urvashi.Woman you are, to ravish the soul of Paradise.

When weary-footed evening comes down to the folds whither the cattle have returned, you never trim the house lamps nor walk to the bridal bed with a tremulous heart and a wavering smile on your lips, glad that the dark hours are so secret.

Like the dawn you are without veil, Urvashi, and without shame.

Who can imagine that aching overflow of splendour which created you!

You rose from the churned ocean on the first day of the first spring, with the cup of life in your right hand and poison in your left. The monster sea, lulled like an enchanted snake, laid down its thousand hoods at your feet.

Your unblemished radiance rose from the foam, white and naked as a jasmine.

Were you ever small, timid or in bud, Urvashi, O Youth everlasting?

Did you sleep, cradled in the deep blue night where the strange light of gems plays over coral, shells and moving creatures of dreamlike form, till day revealed your awful fulness of bloom?

Adored are you of all men in all ages, Urvashi, O endless wonder!

The world throbs with youthful pain at the glance of your eyes, the ascetic lays the fruit of his austerities at your feet, the songs of poets hum and swarm round the perfume of your presence. Your feet, as in careless joy they flit on, wound even the heart of the hollow wind with the tinkle of golden bells.

When you dance before the gods, flinging orbits of novel rhythm into space, Urvashi, the earth shivers, leaf and grass, and autumn fields heave and sway; the sea surges into a frenzy of rhyming waves; the stars drop into the sky-beads from the chain that leaps till it breaks on your breast;and the blood dances in men's hearts with sudden turmoil.

You are the first break on the crest of heaven's slumber, Urvashi, you thrill the air with unrest. The world bathes your limbs in her tears;with colour of her heart's blood are your feet red; lightly you poise on the wave-tossed lotus of desire, Urvashi; you play forever in that limitless mind wherein labours God's tumultuous dream.

8

你像蜿蜒、湍急的一条小河，一面笑，一面跳舞，旅程中你的脚步演唱歌曲。

我像崎岖、陡峭的河岸，一言不发地凝立着，阴郁地望着你。

我像巨大、幼稚的风暴，骤然袭来，妄图撕碎自己，一把把撒入狂热的漩涡。

你像细长、尖利的闪电，刺入躁动的黑暗的心，然后消失在一串闪光的清亮的笑声中。

You, like a rivulet swift and sinuous, laugh and dance, and your steps sing as you trip along.

I, like a bank rugged and steep, stand speechless and stock-still and darkly gaze at you.

I, like a big, foolish storm, of a sudden come rushing on and try to rend my being and scatter it parcelled in a whirl of passion.

You, like the lightning's flash slender and keen, pierce the heart of the turbulent darkness, to disappear in a vivid streak of laughter.

9

你期望我的爱情，可你并不爱我。

所以我的生命纠缠着你，像一根长铁链，哗啷啷的响声越来越刺耳，链环越来越粗硬，你拼命想挣脱。

我的绝望成了你恨之入骨的伴随者，死死抓住你草率允诺的弱点，试图把你拖进泪潭。

你打碎了我的自由，用我自由的破砖烂瓦建造了自己的牢房。

You desired my love and yet you did not love me.

Therefore my life clings to you like a chain of which clank and grip grow harsher the more you struggle to be free.

My despair has become your deadly companion, clutching at the faintest of your favours, trying to drag you away into the cavern of tears.

You have shattered my freedom, and with its wreck built your own prison.

10

你不再面带怜悯的神情等待我，为此我感到欣慰。

恰恰是黑夜的诅咒和我以让人惊异的绝望的声调所说的告别的话，使我热泪盈眶，但天将破晓，我的泪眼和我的心，将要干涸，那时再没有时间哭泣。

谁说难以忘怀？

死亡的爱怜活跃于生命的中心，使它摆脱愚蠢的苦撑，得以小憩。

风暴肆虐的大海最终在它晃动的摇篮里安静下来，森林大火倒在它的灰榻上昏睡。

你我即将分手，此次离别将隐逝在阳光下微笑的生机勃勃的青草和鲜花下面。

I am glad you will not wait for me with that lingering pity in your look.

It is only the spell of the night and my farewell words, startled at their own tune of despair, which bring these tears to my eyes. But day will dawn, my eyes will dry and my heart; and there will be no time for weeping.

Who says it is hard to forget?

The mercy of death works at life's core, bringing it respite from its own foolish persistence.

The stormy sea is lulled at last in its rocking cradle;the forest fire falls to sleep on its bed of ashes.

You and I shall part, and the cleavage will be hidden under living grass and flowers that laugh in the sun.

11

我一时忘了我自己，所以走来了。

但是请抬起你的双眼，让我知道你眼里是否还有昔日的影子，如同地平线上那失水的一片流云。

如果是我忘了自己，请宽容片刻。

尚未绽开花瓣的玫瑰花，不晓得今年夏天我们缘何忘了采摘鲜花。

晨星同样忐忑不安，默不作声；像往日那样，遮盖你窗户的枝叶，阻挡着晨光。

我一时忘了今非昔比，所以走来了。

我袒露胸怀时，忘了你扭头望着别处，分明是羞躁我。

我只记得你发颤的嘴唇上残留的话语；只记得你黑眼睛里渐隐的热情的影子，像暮色中寻巢鸟儿的翅翼。

我一时忘了你不再想我，所以走来了。

I forgot myself for a moment, and I came.

But raise your eyes, and let me know if there still linger some shadow of other days, like a pale cloud on the horizon that has been robbed of its rain.

For a moment bear with me if I forget myself.

The roses are still in bud; they do not yet know how we neglect to gather flowers this summer.

The morning star has the same palpitating hush; the early light is enmeshed in the branches that over-brow your window, as in those other days.

That times are changed I forget for a little, and have come.

I forget if you ever shamed me by looking away when I bared my heart.

I only remember the words that stranded on the tremor of your lips; I remember in your dark eyes sweeping shadows of passion, like the wings of a home-seeking bird in the dusk.

I forget that you do not remember, and I come.

12

黄昏在向我招手，退潮时旅客在最后的渡口上船远航，穿越暮色，我愿意跟随他们。

他们有的回家，有的前往更远的海边，乘船都冒着风险。

可我仍孤零零地坐在码头上。我离开家，未赶上航船。夏天归去，我冬天的收获已经丧失。

我期待的爱，把拾到的失败泡在泪水里，种在黑暗中，当白昼重又升起，它们大概能结出果实。

The evening beckons, and I would fain follow the travellers who sailed in the last ferry of the ebb-tide to cross the dark.

Some were for home, some for the farther shore, yet all have ventured to sail.

But I sit alone at the landing, having left my home and missed the boat, summer is gone and my winter harvest is lost.

I wait for that love which gathers failures to sow them in tears on the dark, that they may bear fruit when day rises anew.