第3章 黑猫(3)

One night, returning home, much intoxicated, from one of my haunts about town, I fancied that the cat avoided my presence. I seized him;when, in his fright at my violence, he inflicted a slight wound upon my hand with his teeth.The fury of a demon instantly possessed me.I knew myself no longer.My original soul seemed, at once, to take its flight from my body and a more than fiendish malevolence, gin-nurtured, thrilled every fibre of my frame.I took from my waistcoat-pocket a pen-knife, opened it, grasped the poor beast by the throat, and deliberately cut one of its eyes from the socket!I blush, I burn, I shudder, while I pen the damnable atrocity.

When reason returned with the morning—when I had slept off the fumes of the night's debauch—I experienced a sentiment half of horror, half of remorse, for the crime of which I had been guilty;but it was, at best, a feeble and equivocal feeling, and the soul remained untouched. I again plunged into excess, and soon drowned in wine all memory of the deed.

In the meantime the cat slowly recovered. The socket of the lost eye presented, it is true, a frightful appearance, but he no longer appeared to suffer any pain.He went about the house as usual, but, as might be expected, fled in extreme terror at my approach.I had so much of my old heart left, as to be at first grieved by this evident dislike on the part of a creature which had once so loved me.But this feeling soon gave place to irritation.And then came, as if to my final and irrevocable overthrow, the spirit of PERVERSENESS.Of this spirit philosophy takes no account.Yet I am not more sure that my soul lives, than I am that perverseness is one of the primitive impulses of the human heart—one of the indivisible primary faculties, or sentiments, which give direction to the character of Man.Who has not, a hundred times, found himself committing a vile or a silly action, for no other reason than because he knows he should not?Have we not a perpetual inclination, in the teeth of our best judgment, to violate that which is Law, merely because we understand it to be such?This spirit of perverseness, I say, came to my final overthrow.It was this unfathomable longing of the soul to vex itself—to offer violence to its own nature—to do wrong for the wrong's sake only—that urged me to continue and finally to consummate the injury I had inflicted upon the unoffending brute.

One morning, in cool blood, I slipped a noose about its neck and hung it to the limb of a tree;—hung it with the tears streaming from my eyes, and with the bitterest remorse at my heart;—hung it because I knew that it had loved me, and because I felt it had given me no reason of offence;—hung it because I knew that in so doing I was committing a sin—a deadly sin that would so jeopardize my immortal soul as to place it—if such a thing were possible—even beyond the reach of the infinite mercy of the Most Merciful and Most Terrible God.

On the night of the day on which this cruel deed was done, I was aroused from sleep by the cry of fire. The curtains of my bed were in flames.The whole house was blazing.It was with great difficulty that my wife, a servant, and myself, made our escape from the conflagration.The destruction was complete.My entire worldly wealth was swallowed up, and I resigned myself thenceforward to despair.

I am above the weakness of seeking to establish a sequence of cause and effect, between the disaster and the atrocity. But I am detailing a chain of facts—and wish not to leave even a possible link imperfect.On the day succeeding the fire, I visited the ruins.The walls, with one exception, had fallen in.This exception was found in a compartment wall, not very thick, which stood about the middle of the house, and against which had rested the head of my bed.The plastering had here, in great measure, resisted the action of the fire—a fact which I attributed to its having been recently spread.About this wall a dense crowd were collected, and many persons seemed to be examining a particular portion of it with every minute and eager attention.The words "strange!", "singular!" and other similar expressions, excited my curiosity.I approached and saw, as if graven in bas relief upon the white surface, the figure of a gigantic cat.The impression was given with an accuracy truly marvellous.There was a rope about the animal's neck.

When I first beheld this apparition—for I could scarcely regard it as less—my wonder and my terror were extreme. But at length reflection came to my aid.The cat, I remembered, had been hung in a garden adjacent to the house.Upon the alarm of fire, this garden had been immediately filled by the crowd—by some one of whom the animal must have been cut from the tree and thrown, through an open window, into my chamber.This had probably been done with the view of arousing me from sleep.The falling of other walls had compressed the victim of my cruelty into the substance of the freshly-spread plaster;the lime of which, had then with the flames, and the ammonia from the carcass, accomplished the portraiture as I saw it.

Although I thus readily accounted to my reason, if not altogether to my conscience, for the startling fact just detailed, it did not the less fall to make a deep impression upon my fancy. For months I could not rid myself of the phantasm of the cat;and, during this period, there came back into my spirit a half-sentiment that seemed, but was not, remorse. I went so far as to regret the loss of the animal, and to look about me, among the vile haunts which I now habitually frequented, for another pet of the same species, and of somewhat similar appearance, with which to supply its place.