第31章 THE SECOND PART(2)

Unprepared dying man.--Alas,what do I hear?How shall I do penance?

Seest thou not how terrified I am,how exceeding great is my distress?Even as a little bird caught in the claws of a cruel falcon,and become senseless in the agony of dying,I am unconscious of everything except that I would gladly escape and cannot.Death and the bitterness of separation oppress me.

Alas,the repentance and free conversion of him who is capable of right doing,what a sure thing you are!He who puts you off will hardly fail of being himself put off.O long protraction of my amendment,how much too protracted hast thou not proved!My good intentions without works,my good promises without performance,have ruined me.I have said to God,Tomorrow and tomorrow,till I am fallen into the night of death.O Thou Almighty God,is it not a misery above all miseries,ought it not deeply to afflict me,that I should thus have lost the whole of my life,my thirty,my forty years?I know not that I ever spent a day wholly according to God's will,or that I ever rendered to God,as in reason I ought to have done,a truly acceptable service.Oh,how the thought cuts me to the heart!O God,how wretchedly shall I not stand before Thee and the whole heavenly host!Lo,now I am departing hence;and now,even at this hour,a single Pater Noster,uttered with devotion,would rejoice me more than if anyone were to put into my hands a thousand pounds of gold.Ah,my God,what have I not eternally neglected,what evil have I not inflicted on myself in not having seen this while it was in my power!What hours upon hours have escaped me!How have I allowed myself to be led wrong by small things in the great affair of my salvation!It would now be more agreeable to me,and would procure me more eternal reward if,from divine love,I had foregone the pleasure I took at the sight of a friend,when such pleasure was contrary to God's will,than if that friend were to demand a reward for me from God thirty years long on his knees.Hear,hear,all men,a lamentable thing:I go begging round and round,because my time is short,and beg a small alms out of the merits of good people as an expiation for myself,and it is refused me;for they are all afraid lest they should want oil in their lamps.Alas,Thou God of Heaven,let this move Thy compassion,that with my healthy body I could have earned such great reward and wealth on so many a day when I went about idle,and that now this small alms,begged only as an expiation,not as a reward,for which,moreover,I should stand indebted,no one will give me.Oh,let this,ye old and young,go to your hearts,and hoard up in the good season while ye can,so that ye may not become beggars,and be denied in an hour like this.

The Servant.--Alas,my dear friend,thy distress rends my very heart.

By the living God,I conjure thee,give me some advice so that I may not come into trouble.

The unprepared dying man.--The best advice I can give thee,the greatest wisdom and prudence on earth,is this:That thou prepare thyself by a full confession of and an abstinence from all those things with which thou knowest thyself to be infected,and that thou hold thyself at all times ready,as though thou shouldst have to depart hence in a day,or at latest in a week.Imagine now,in thy heart,that thy soul is in Purgatory,and doomed to remain there ten years for her evil deeds,and that this year alone is granted thee to help her in.Look at her very often,see how woefully she calls out to thee and speaks to thee:O thou my best beloved friend,reach me thy hand,have pity on me,and help me to pray that I may speedily come out of this raging fire of Purgatory,for I am so miserable,that there is nobody,except thee alone,to help me ;with charitable works.

I am forgotten by all the world,because every one is busy about himself.

The Servant.--This were a choice doctrine for whoever might actually feel it like Thee in their hearts.But though Thy words are so piercing,yet do people sit here and give little heed to them;they have ears and hear not;they have eyes and see not;no one will really die before his soul departs out of him.

The unprepared dying man.--Wherefore,when at last they are caught on the hook of death,and cry aloud in woeful distress and cruel pain,they are not heard.Lo,even as among a hundred persons who wear the appearance of holiness (of others I will say nothing),not one pays attention to my words,that he may be converted and reform his life,so is it come to that pass that among a hundred,not one but falls into the snare of death unprepared;

as also certainly happens to those who die suddenly,or in an unconscious state;for the comforts of the body,perishable love,and the greedy pursuits of sustenance,blind the multitude.But if thou wouldst be delivered from this miserable and unprovided death,then follow my advice.

Behold,diligent meditation on death,and faithful assistance given to thy poor soul,who appeals so piteously to Thee,will advance thee so far that thou wilt not only be without fear,but more,thou wilt expect death with all the ardour of thy heart.Think of me every day,and write down my words in the bottom of thy heart.In my bitter distress see what thy future lot will be;look what a night this is.Oh,happy the man,that ever he was born,who arrives well prepared at this hour,for his passage will be a good one,however bitter his death;behold the bright angels will guard him,the saints escort him,the celestial court receive him;his final marching forth will be a glorious entry into his everlasting fatherland.But me,alas!

where will my soul lodge this very night in that strange,mysterious country?Oh,my soul,how art thou utterly forsaken!O God,how very miserable she will be among all miserable souls!Who is there that will help her with entire fidelity?And now let me put an end to my sad complaints;