第4章

There was nothing for me to regret, as the matter turned out.Ishould only have rescued a bald-headed commercial traveller, very drunk, who swore horribly, and pelted the crowd with empty collar-boxes.

From the window of a very high flat I once watched three men, resolved to stop a runaway horse.Each man marched deliberately into the middle of the road and took up his stand.My window was too far away for me to see their faces, but their attitude suggested heroism unto death.The first man, as the horse came charging towards him, faced it with his arms spread out.He never flinched until the horse was within about twenty yards of him.Then, as the animal was evidently determined to continue its wild career, there was nothing left for him to do but to retire again to the kerb, where he stood looking after it with evident sorrow, as though saying to himself--"Oh, well, if you are going to be headstrong Ihave done with you."

The second man, on the catastrophe being thus left clear for him, without a moment's hesitation, walked up a bye street and disappeared.The third man stood his ground, and, as the horse passed him, yelled at it.I could not hear what he said.I have not the slightest doubt it was excellent advice, but the animal was apparently too excited even to listen.The first and the third man met afterwards, and discussed the matter sympathetically.I judged they were regretting the pig-headedness of runaway horses in general, and hoping that nobody had been hurt.

I forget the other characters I assumed about this period.One, Iknow, that got me into a good deal of trouble was that of a downright, honest, hearty, outspoken young man who always said what he meant.

I never knew but one man who made a real success of speaking his mind.I have heard him slap the table with his open hand and exclaim--"You want me to flatter you--to stuff you up with a pack of lies.

That's not me, that's not Jim Compton.But if you care for my honest opinion, all I can say is, that child is the most marvellous performer on the piano I've ever heard.I don't say she is a genius, but I have heard Liszt and Metzler and all the crack players, and I prefer HER.That's my opinion.I speak my mind, and I can't help it if you're offended.""How refreshing," the parents would say, "to come across a man who is not afraid to say what he really thinks.Why are we not all outspoken?"The last character I attempted I thought would be easy to assume.

It was that of a much admired and beloved young man, whose great charm lay in the fact that he was always just--himself.Other people posed and acted.He never made any effort to be anything but his own natural, simple self.

I thought I also would be my own natural, simple self.But then the question arose--What was my own natural, simple self?