第85章

What a contrast there is between their vitality and the languor under which I suffer! When their noise became intolerable, I proposed to read to them; of course they made ten times as much clamor of pleasure and of course they leaned on me, ground their elbows into my lap, and tired me all out.As I sat with this precious little group about me, Ernest opened the door, looked in, gravely and without a word, and instantly disappeared.I felt uneasy and asked him, this evening, why he looked so.Was I indulging the children too much, or what was it? He took me into his arms and said:

"My precious wife, why will you torment yourself with such fancies?

My very heart was yearning over you at that moment, as it did the first time I saw you surrounded by your little class at Sunday-school, years ago, and I was asking myself why God had given me such a wife, and my children such a mother."Oh, I am glad I have got this written down! I will read it over when the sense of my deficiencies overwhelms me, while I ask God why He has given me such a patient, forbearing husband.

APRIL 1.-This has been a sad day to our church.Our dear Dr.Cabot has gone to his eternal home, and left us as sheep without a shepherd.

His death was sudden at the last and found us all unprepared for it.

But my tears of sorrow are mingled with tears of joy.His heart had long been in heaven, he was ready to go at a moment's warning; never was a soul so constantly and joyously on the wing as his.Poor Mrs.

Cabot! She is left very desolate, for all their children are married and settled at a distance.But she bears this sorrow like one who has long felt herself a pilgrim and a stranger on earth.How strange that we ever forget that we are all such!

APRIL 16.-The desolate pilgrimage was not long.Dear Mrs.Cabot was this day laid away by the side of her beloved husband, and it is delightful to think of them as not divided by death, but united by it in a complete and eternal union.

I never saw a husband and wife more tenderly attached to each other, and this is a beautiful close to their long and happy married life.Ifind it hard not to wish and pray that I may as speedily follow my precious husband, should God call him away first.But it is not for me to choose.

How I shall miss these faithful friends, who, from my youth up, have been my stay and my staff in the house of my pilgrimage! Almost all the disappointments and sorrows of my life have had their Christian sympathy, particularly the daily, wasting solicitude concerning my darling Una, for they to watched for years over as delicate a flower, and saw it fade and die.Only those who have suffered thus can appreciate the heart-soreness through which, no matter how outwardly cheerful I may be, I am always passing.But what then! Have I not ten thousand times made this my prayer, that in the words of Leighton, my will might become, identical with God's will."And shall He not take me at my word?" Just as I was writing these words, my canary burst forth with a song so joyous that a song was put also into my mouth.Something seemed to say, this captive sings in his cage because it has never known liberty, and cannot regret a lost freedom.So the soul of my child, limited by the restrictions of a feeble body, never having known the gladness of exuberant health, may sing songs that will enliven and cheer.Yes, and does sing them!

What should we do without her gentle, loving presence, whose frailty calls forth our tenderest affections and whose sweet face makes sunshine in the shadiest places! I am sure that the boys are truly blessed by having a sister always at home to welcome them, and that their best manliness is appealed to by her helplessness.

What this child is to me I cannot tell And yet, if the skillful and kind Gardener should house this delicate plant before frosts come, should I dare to complain?