第7章 神级回复(3)

As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday，the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon.So，in a whisper，he asked the congregation，"All who want to go to heaven，please rise."Everyone got up except the snorer.After whispering"Be seated"，the minister shouted at the top of his voice，"All those who want to be with the devil，please rise."

Awaking with a start，the sleepy head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit，"Well，sir，"he said，"I don’t know what we’re voting on，but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."

瞌睡者

牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。

一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，让他不要再在布道时睡觉。于是他低声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人，都请站起来吧。”所有的人都站了起来--当然，除了那个打瞌睡的人。在低声说过“请坐”后，牧师高声喊道：“想去下地狱的人请站起来！”

打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气地看着他。这个人说道：“噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，但看上去只有你和我想去。”

23 Room

John Rockefeller was a well‐known millionaire in the United States.Although Rockefeller gave away millions，he was very mean to himself.

One day he went to stay at hotel in New York and asked for the cheapest room they had.He asked，"What is the price of the room？"The manager told him.

"And which floor is it on？"Again the manager told him.

Is that the lowest‐priced room you have？I am staying here by myself and only need a small room."

The manager said，"That room is the smallest and cheapest we have."and added，"But why do you choose poor room like that？When your son stays here he always has our most expensive room；yours is our cheapest."

"Yes，"said Rockefeller，"but his father is a wealthy man，mine isn’t."

房间

约翰·洛克菲勒是美国有名的百万富翁。虽然洛克菲勒捐赠了数百万美元，但他对自己非常吝啬。有一天，他下榻纽约一家旅馆，要求住在最便宜的房间。他问：“这个房间费用是多少？”经理告诉了他。

“在哪一层楼上？”经理又告诉了他。

“这是你们最便宜的房间吗？我一个人住，只需要一个小房间。”

经理说：“那个房间是我们这里最小、最便宜的。”接着又补充道，“可你为什么要选这么寒碜的房间呢？你的儿子每次来这儿总是住最贵的房间，而你选的是最便宜的。”

“是的，”洛克菲勒说，“他的父亲是个有钱人，我的父亲不是。”

24 I Am Not Stupid

Caleb wanted to buy some new clothes，so he went to a shop.First he asked for a pair of trousers and put them on，but then he took them off and gave them back to the shopkeeper and said，"No，give me a coat instead of these."

The man gave him a coat，and said，"This one costs the same as the trousers，"Caleb took the coat and walked out of the shop with it.The shopkeeper ran after him and said，"You have not paid for that coat！"

"But I gave you the trousers for the coat."said Caleb，"They cost the same as the coat，didn’t they？"

"Yes，"said the shopkeeper，"but you didn’t pay for the trousers either！"

"Of course I didn’t！"answered Caleb，"I did not take them.I am not stupid！Nobody gives things back and then pays for them！"

我又不傻

迦勒想买些新衣服，于是就去了一家商店。他先要了条裤子试穿，可是又把它脱下来，还给店主，说道：“不要这个，给我换一件外套。”

店主给了他一件外套，说：“这件外套跟裤子是一个价。”迦勒拿着外套就走出商店。店主追上去说：“你还没给钱呢！”

“但我用裤子换外套了呀，”迦勒说，“裤子跟外套一个价，不是吗？”

“是的，”店主说，“可你也没给裤子的钱啊！”

“我当然没给！”迦勒回答，“我没买裤子啊。我又不傻！没人退了货还付钱的！”

25 One Way Street Wilson

Wilson’s dogmatic attitude was notorious.He refused to listen to others or alter his opinion.Walter Hines Page，the ambassador to England came to the White House to report to the President the opinions of the British on American foreign policy.Repeatedly，Wilson told him to stop，but Page kept on going.Wilson put fingers into his ears and ran out of the room.

When Wilson was the governor of New Jersey，a senator of his home State who was a close friend of his，died suddenly and he had to appoint someone to replace him.An overanxious politician called and said，"I would like to take the senator’s place."Wilson was extremely annoyed and said sharply，"That will be perfectly agreeable to me，if it is agreeable to the undertaker."

我行我素的威尔逊

威尔逊固执的性格众人皆知，他从不听别人的劝告，从不改变自己的观点。美国驻英大使沃尔特·海因斯·佩奇到白宫向威尔逊总统报告英国的对美政策。威尔逊总统三番五次让他停下来，可佩奇依然继续。威尔逊用手指堵住耳朵，跑了出去。